"My Vision" - Working Together in the Birth Community

My Vision
Amy Swagman (The Mandala Journey)

Look at the artwork to the left.  What do you see?  A mother who has just given birth, of course.  What else do you see?


I see harmony.  I see a small group of women caring for a new mother.  Notice where their faces are turned.  They are not looking toward one another; rather, they are completely focused on the woman in their care.

This is the ideal birthing community.

We are doulas, nurses, midwives, doctors, childbirth educators, lactation consultants, planners, etc.  Regardless of our philosophy, education, or particular walk of life, we all serve the same group.  We serve mothers and their families.

The Social System

Think back to your days in high school.  Who did you spend time with socially?  Were you a jock, a prep, a stoner, a bully, or a nerd?  How did you react or interact with individuals from other social groups?  Did you mock them?  Did you spread rumors?  Did you try to sway others to your way of thinking by putting others down?  Were you a member of an elite clique or did you spend time with "outcasts?" If we are honest, I think many of us can answer "Yes."  While we know that such behavior was not right, it was also characteristic for that age group.  Do we carry this behavior on into adulthood and our professional lives, however? 

As we grow and mature into adulthood, we believe that we outgrow most of the behaviors of our teenage years; yet, more often than not some of our old ways still hang on.  With the surge in social networking over the past decade or so, we now have new outlets to interact with those who believe as we do.  There are millions of groups or clubs or pages for us to join and "like."  Professionally, we've never had access to more resources than we do now and it is very exciting!  It also opens us up to more ways to be critical of one another.

Business

Back in our "real lives," we are developing doula or midwifery practices and childbirth education businesses. We have the opportunity to network with one another through professional associations and our training and certifying bodies.  Do we?  How do we behave when we are introduced to someone who, while our colleague and one who shares our beliefs, is also our business competition.  It is true, birth is a business.  No matter how much we talk about its spiritual nature and the sacredness of the experience, we are, as birth professionals, providing a marketable service.  It is a touchy subject.  Many of us volunteer our services as much as possible.  Truth be told though, we still do have families to support. We require food to give us the energy to work and gas for our vehicles to get us from birth to birth.  So, we have to acquire paying clients.  To acquire clients, we have to market our businesses.  Our relationships with our colleagues in the birth field can and do become strained. 

Getting Caught Up in Competition

I'll let you in on a little secret.  I am so incredibly guilty of this.  I am young (I'd like to think, anyhow) and everyday as a birth professional is a learning process.  Heck, everyday as a human being is a learning process!  Early on, I burnt some bridges.  It does "take two to tango" and there were and are other issues present from all parties involved, but it is there, it is a problem and it is not going away on its own.  To give you a little background, I am almost to fault a rule follower.  I like order.  I like boundaries.  I like direction. I do not, however, like to be told what to do by one person.  I do not like to be treated as a child and, therefore, I have a bit of a problem with authority.  This was one of the reasons I decided to venture out on my own when I received my doula training and begin my own practice.  

It. Was. Rough.

First of all, I had never run a business before.  Not even a little bit.  In my past life I was an administrative assistant for a variety of professional firms, most recently accounting firms.  I definitely had a grasp on professional communication and organization, but economics not so much.  Add to that a dash or two (or three) of self-doubt and lack of confidence and you have a really fun combination.  I was terrified that I would not succeed in business.  I was unable to trust many of my colleagues locally because I thought they did not want me to succeed either.  Some of my fears came from real experiences, but probably the majority of them just came out of my own noggin.

What happened?  I lost sight of my goals.  I forgot why I had become a doula in the first place.  While, yes, I had to try to earn a living from my calling, I had forgotten that it wasn't my colleagues or competition that mattered, it was and is the families in my community.  Whether they chose me to be their doula or not, isn't the important thing that they would know they have a choice to begin with?  

Philosophy and "Real Life"

Here is the bottom line.  We all have different beliefs and values.  Period.  No one person in this world thinks or feels exactly the same as someone else no matter how closely they may be aligned.  That is just the nature of humanity.  We also don't know where any particular individual is in their life.  Sally CBE may feel that epidurals are horrible one day, but the next day she sees that one has been beneficial in a long labor for her client and suddenly sees it isn't as black and white as she once thought.  Jane Doe-oula may have received her training, but then her studies were interrupted because of circumstances in her family life.  Mary Midwife might have small children and not be able to attend a university, so she studies from home to gain knowledge.  

Because we are all different, we can't all fit into a box.  We don't all have cookie cutter lives.  Again, taking my personal choices into account.  I originally trained as a doula with a very well-known organization. It has paved the way for doulas in our part of the world and I respect and admire all of the work done by the group.  I chose, however, to certify with a different body.  First, due to family commitments, and having small children, I was unable to complete all of my requirements within the allotted time frame. Second, I felt I needed a broader education (that encompassed aspects of business, communication and physiology) than what I had received in my earlier studies.  I continued working as a doula to help supplement the costs of my education and, honestly, because I love the work.  On the outside, perhaps this was perceived differently from my colleagues.  They may not have known or understood what was going on in my life, but I know why I made these decisions and they worked for my family.  

Whether you teach Lamaze, Brio, Hypnobabies, or independent classes or are certified through DONA, CAPPA, Childbirth International, or Birth Arts, something that appeals to your personal belief system has drawn you to the organization's philosophy and that makes it the right one for you.  Whether you are certified or still in training, you are still a professional.  Learning takes time and, if you are committed to providing the best care for your clients, it truly never ends. You are definitely worthy of sharing your knowledge with others. Your opinions are valid because they are yours.

Bullying

Does anyone ever want to be called a bully?  We are all guilty of it at some point in our lives.  Whether we're the two-year-old who bites our sister because we don't want to share a toy or we pick apart one of the moms on the playground, we've done it, we do it and we have to stop.  It can be as simple as denouncing someone's credentials or ganging up on them on a Facebook group because they chose to circumcise their son.  It's hurtful and it doesn't do anything to help us accomplish our goals.  

I'm not going to white wash anything here.  We, as birth professionals, are a nasty bunch sometimes.  We have turf wars, we make up our own "truths" about our colleagues and share them widely, we attack those who do not believe as we do, and we engage in fruitless arguments with professionals on the perceived "opposing" side.  We call each other names such as rogue or radical, etc.  We undermine each other.

I have confided in others on occasion without knowing all of the facts.  That can definitely be construed as gossip.  Yup, I am a gossip.  I have hurt others.  I have also felt bullied.  I have been hurt.  I have thought on more than one occasion about throwing in the towel.  I almost have.  Then, I remember, again, why I was called to be a doula.  I was called to serve. 

Serving

A servant is humble.  She puts the needs of others ahead of her own.  She does not have her own agenda.  She brings nothing into a relationship with her but her heart and her hands.  She has the drive to give, not to achieve.  That is the foundation for our work.

Now What?

We don't have to keep fighting with one another.  We have the same goal.  We all want mothers and babies to have a healthy start physically, emotionally and spiritually.  That's it.  That's our focus.  It is really that simple.  Building upon this, where do we go from here?

1. Let's keep our focus on the families we work with.  
• Remind yourself everyday why you were called to be a birth professional.  Take 15 minutes and review the birth stories of your past clients or look through thank you cards.  Whatever it takes to rekindle your passion and realign your priorities.
2. If there is a new professional in your community, reach out to her.
• If she is still training, support her.  If she needs help making connections, provide her with resources.  Do not be afraid of her. There are plenty of babies being born every year and, unless 1984 becomes reality, there will continue to be.
3. Talk to each other, not about each other.

• If you hear something about a colleague, go to the source.  Clear it up. Don't spread gossip. Communication is key.
4. Think before you speak.
• See the graphic to the right.
5. Finally, be humble.  Say you're sorry.  Make amends.  
• If a colleague has hurt you, forgive them.  Learn from the experience, but don't hold a grudge.  It doesn't serve you or your clients.
• If you have hurt a colleague, ask for forgiveness.  You don't have to be best friends, but you can support one another.

My Vision

When you have finished reading this post, scroll back up to the beginning and look at the artwork again.  What do you see?  I see our future if we remember our goals and we work together.  The families of the world need us and we need each other. 

 Author's Note:  I've thought long and hard about writing this post.  I know that there may be some of my colleagues reading this.  Actually, I hope there are, because, I want them to know that I am sorry if I have ever caused them any pain.  It isn't all sunshine and roses, but I realize that together we can accomplish more than we can apart.  Let's try again.

One World Birth: Save Birth, Change the World

Today is the official launch of the One World Birth website from the producers of the film Doula! The Ultimate Birth Companion.  We are so thrilled about the message they are spreading to families around the world about the impact that birth and birthing practices have on us all.  As doulas, we are excited to share the information from the many, many experts the One World Birth team have taken the time to interview.  As mothers, we are hopeful that we can teach our daughters and sons to view pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding as the positive life-changing events they are.  We can help make birth a positive experience for every woman and every family!  What will you do?

Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices - Intro: Safe and Healthy Birth

Beginning today, we will explore the six Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices. Look for them all to be featured here! In addition to the videos on each practice, we've also included a link to a .pdf handout on the topic. If you do not have Adobe Acrobat Reader, you may download it here.



Download the PDF document ~ Birth - As Safe and Healthy As It Can Be

Stay on your feet!

Both of my children were born in a hospital setting.  My first child was born after nearly every intervention possible and never breastfed.  My second child, with a doula in attendance, was a natural birth in hospital and I took as much of the following advice as I could - interestingly enough, before I had even read it!

Thank you to http://homebirthwaterbirth.com/home.html for this insight!

If the hospital is your choice...and you want a natural birth.... This will be helpful to know.

STAY ON YOUR FEET In the hospital the first thing they do is issue you one of those ugly backless nightgown-things, and show you to a bed, like any other patient. But you are not "sick" when you are in labour, you are doing a job--an important job, that of bringing forth a new life.

STAY ON YOUR FEET, then, because you have an important job to do.

STAY ON YOUR FEET and keep walking because sick, weak people are the ones who need to be in bed. Try to think of yourself as a client, using a service, not a patient. Keep upright and keep walking, so you feel freedom to move and not confinement.

STAY ON YOUR FEET, because that raises you up to eye level, where you won’t be looked down upon.

STAY ON YOUR FEET like a capable, healthy person, confident and in control.

STAY ON YOUR FEET, because gravity helps the baby to move down, pressing on the cervix, shortening your labour.

STAY ON YOUR FEET because there is less pain when the weight of the uterus is not pressing on your back.

STAY ON YOUR FEET, because when you lie down, the very bed you lie upon offers resistance to your pelvis, which is doing its best to open up for the baby.

STAY ON YOUR FEET, walking, walking, walking through the contractions, rocking, rocking, easing your baby lower and deeper into the birth canal.

STAY ON YOUR FEET so the doctors and nurses can't keep invading your body with their painful vaginal exams. They have to ask you to lie down for them, and that puts you in control!

If you STAY ON YOUR FEET they'll only be able to do things when you're ready to let them.

If you STAY ON YOUR FEET, you can look them in the eye, say no, and walk away.

STAY ON YOUR FEET, walking, refusing a lot of unnecessary vaginal exams, until you realize your body is pushing.

How long can you stay on your feet? Well, if you like, you can push while you are standing, or you can go down into a squat, and deliver your baby like that. You don't need to lie down to have a baby!

Does that surprise you? Did you know that lying on your back, with your legs in stirrups is the WORST position to be in when giving birth? It’s bad for the mother and bad for the baby, but the doctor needs you on your back because it makes his job easier.

Hey, wait a minute! Whose job should be made easier? There are three very important players in this birth scene: There’s the woman in labour, in pain, struggling to give birth to a new life, pushing with all her might to get a human being through her pelvic bones. No, we won't worry about her discomfort, we can give her some drugs. There’s the baby, who may be oxygen-deprived if the mother lies on her back causing fetal distress. No, don't worry about him, we'll resuscitate if we have to. Then there’s the doctor, who is being paid --well-paid --to catch the baby. Let’s make sure he’s comfortable! Does this make sense?

Staying on your feet and walking isn't just good sense physiologically - working with gravity instead of against it - more importantly being up and about affects how you feel about yourself. A simple thing like staying out of bed makes you feel more capable, confident, and ready to take on the challenge! Lying in bed makes you feel more like a weak, sick person; like a little girl, dependent upon others instead of an adult doing the most grown-up, womanly thing she can do.

Pick up any book on childbirth that shows you the inside view of the baby’s birth. It shows the mother on her back. Now turn the book sideways, and note the angle at which the baby emerges when the mother is upright. Which would be easier?

The doctor likes it better that you are on your back because it makes it easier for him:

to do an episiotomy -- which he won’t need to do if you are upright, because the weight of the baby is not resting on the perineum;

to use forceps to pull the baby out -- which he won't need to do if you are upright because you will be able to push more effectively;

to get the baby out faster -- which he won’t need to do because the baby won’t be distressed from the lack of oxygen it would experience if you were on your back;

to keep close watch on the mother’s blood pressure -- which isn't as much of a concern when she is upright and in control and not exhausting herself from ineffective pushing, or getting dizzy from the weight of the baby pressing on the major blood vessels.

It may not seem like a big deal, pushing the baby upwards, but think how hard it is to work against gravity for easy things. Yesterday I was hammering a nail up above my head, and I found it hard pushing that 16 ounce hammer up into the air each time, much more tiring than nailing something lower.

In fact, if your doctor thinks it doesn’t make that much difference in pushing against gravity, agree with him: since he says it’s no big deal, let him work against gravity, catching the baby from beneath while you give birth comfortably low, reclined in an armchair.

So, the moral is -- Stay on your feet!