Being Doula

The following post contains anecdotal information from an actual birth.  This story is posted with full permission from the family involved and no identifying details have been included.

I apologize for such a large stretch (no pun intended) without a posting.  The truth is, I have been under transformation, as we all have been at From Womb to Cradle Doula Services.  What I'd like to share today has been my most recent transformation... learning to be.


I was recently blessed to attend a birth where I needed to be present, but not necessarily used.  It got me thinking about my training and all that I had learned.  I loved my initial training with it's hands-on aspects.  I learned great tools such as the "double hip squeeze," "counter-pressure," soft touch massage, how to use a birth ball, etc.  In my continued training I learned more communication skills to assist me in working not only with my clients, but also other professionals.  All of these tools were great to have in my "kit" when needed, but what if they weren't?

In one of my favorite seminars, midwife Barbara Harper told those of us present that we needed to learn not to be a "DO-ula," but rather a "BE-la."  I pondered what she said, thought I had it figured out, "Be present," I thought, "That's all I have to do."  Was I prepared to BE so?

I was preparing to attend my first home water birth a few weeks ago.  Those of us who would be in attendance had a conference call with the primary midwife.  There was to be quite a large group including potentially three doulas.  I had previously been quite concerned about the amount of individuals that would be present as I have read extensively about the importance of privacy during labour and the mammilian reflex to stop labouring when feeling in danger.  During the call, I asked what she would want me to do.  What did she say?

In the end...it is her (the mother's) birth.

Ah hah!  Yes, of course!  I knew that.  Every birth I've attended, other than those of my children, belonged to the mother.   I didn't have to touch a mother to help her.  I had often told my clients that they were the queen and I, their humble servant.  So, it would make sense then that if a mother didn't need or want me to do anything, then I didn't need to.  I simply needed to be there for her.  (Sometimes we need to be reminded of these things that are in the crevices of our minds.)

The day arrived and I made my way to the birthing family's home.  The midwife and another doula as well as several others were already there.  I watched, I waited, I looked in awe at this beautiful mother birthing in her own time, her own home, her own way.  I was transfixed!  (Did I mention this was my first home birth!?)

I literally did nothing other than take a few photos for the family for 95% of the time.  It wasn't until the mother was pushing her child out into the water that the midwife turned to me and asked me to do...the double hip squeeze (Aha!) for the mama that I moved from my silent post.  There I stood, a silent witness to the miracle of an uninhibited undisturbed birth...then I got it.  Just be...


My most important job that day was to be a witness.  To see that birth could be perfectly safe, perfectly natural, perfectly... perfect...without interference. I was there to learn that we often try to do too much.  Ah, yes, the importance of privacy during labor...the mammilian reflex to shut down when in fear... all from too much doing.


Do less.  Be more.  Just watch. Wait. Witness.


How else can we be?

On Ethics and Beliefs

Hello, Readers!  I realize it has been some time since we've posted to the blog.  We hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and are now enjoying spending joyful winter days with your family.  The following post is based upon recent concerns I have had in practice as well as in the birth profession overall.  Enjoy!

On Ethics

In September 2011, we authored a post pertaining to the distribution of product samples and coupons to our clients.  Mothers-to-be are often given samples of baby lotions, diapers, coupons for private ultrasound companies, etc. from a variety of sources including doctors offices, formula companies, and maternity stores.  We, too, have provided certain sample products to mothers in our client packages which we hand out at our initial consultations.  Our primary sources had been from companies such as Lansinoh, Medela and Seventh Generation.  We are revamping our policy on samples for the following reasons:

1. Medela is no longer compliant with the WHO/UNICEF Code of Marketing of Breast Milk Substitutes; therefore, we cannot in good conscience distribute their product(s).
2. While we support companies that are WHO Code Compliant, we will no longer distribute samples of their products unless requested by our clients.
3. We feel that we have a responsibility to families to provide them with excellent care, support, and evidence-based information that is not coloured by commercial sources.

On Beliefs

Please note: The following are my personal beliefs and are not necessarily the opinions of my colleagues.

As I grow and continue to learn in my role as a doula, and through my personal life experiences, my beliefs regarding pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and parenting continue to evolve and become more clarified.  Therefore, I wanted to share with you what is in my heart.

1. I believe that woman were created to birth without unnecessary interventions.
2. I believe that women are strong.
3. I believe that pain is subjective, yet also that fear and tension exacerbate pain.  See The Fear Tension Pain Cycle - based on the research of Dr. Grantly Dick-Read.
4. I believe that families deserve complete evidence-based information on all potential interventions in pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding in order to make truly informed decisions.  I believe I would be remiss if I did not assist them with finding this accurate information.
5. I believe that birth is safer and healthier for mothers and babies when medications are not used.
6. I believe that babies are active participants in their own births.
7. I believe that babies are born wired to be breastfed.
8. I believe in the WHO Hierarchy of Infant Feeding Choices.
9. I believe breastfeeding is possible for the majority of mothers and infants with knowledgeable and compassionate support.
10. I believe birth belongs to mothers and babies, not to any caregiver or system.
11. I believe mothers will birth in their own time.
12. I believe babies will be born when they are ready.
13. I respect technology and medical interventions, as they have their place in emergency situations.
14. I believe birth is a natural process, not a medical event.
15. I believe that I do not empower women, rather they empower themselves with strength, trust in their bodies and the process of birth, and knowledge of the benefits and risks of all of their options.
16. I trust women!

I believe this list is not finished and that I will be continuously learning and evolving.  I am so thankful to all of the families I work with as it is they who truly teach me.

Winter 2011/2012 Special!

Kaitlin is offering a special rate for mothers due this winter!  For only $300 you can receive complete doula services including prenatal visits, childbirth preparation, labor support, birth photography and birth story, plus postpartum assistance!  This is a limited-time offer, so call Kaitlin today at (403) 581-1825 or send her an email!

**Valid only with Kaitlin and within Medicine Hat city limits.  First come, first served.

How Do I Cope: Dealing with a loss during pregnancy

by Sherel Burrows

The loss of a loved one is always difficult but when a new life is being created the loss is even more poignant as grief is laced with mixed feelings of missed celebration and shared excitement that cannot be. There is much mystery in both the creation of life and in the conclusion of life; with one there is joy and celebration and with the other there is pain and sorrow. As babies are welcomed into this world so, too, we deal with the bitterness of loss of loved ones as their time on this earth comes to a close.

When Sarah was 21 weeks pregnant she learned that her mother had been diagnosed with a terminal lung cancer. For Sarah there were conflicting emotions as she dealt with the illness of her mother and her feelings about the birth of her baby that her mother might never see fulfilled. As with most pregnant women Sarah’s emotions were already in turmoil due to surging hormones and grief was a constant part of her life as she dealt with the rollercoaster of emotions that flooded her as her mother grew weaker. It was a struggle for Sarah to take care of herself and her expectant child as fear and grief overrode all her thoughts. When Sarah was 38 weeks pregnant she attended the funeral of her mother.

There are many women that experience grief and loss during the time that they are carrying a child in their womb. Loss can come from death of a beloved friend or family member, a pet or from separation or divorce. Expectant mothers deal with loss in many ways and for some it can become dangerous if their grief plummets them into depression affecting their appetite and preventing the nourishment of their body and that of their growing child.

In Barbara Harper’s “Gentle Birth Choices” the author notes the connection between mind and body and remarks how the emotions that a personal feels can affect the cells of the body. It is suggested that the pregnant women release her emotions as she feels them and does not try to cage them up inside as this can be detrimental to her health and thus the health of a growing fetus (Ch. 7).

Many experts in grief counselling promote the need for the body to feel and release emotions as those who mourn move through the stages of grief. Mothers who grieve during their pregnancy do not give birth to children who are upset and hard to deal with; however, expectant mothers who are unable to express their emotions and release their feelings of grief, may have difficulty separating the birth of their child from feelings of sorrow and loss. These feelings may prevent maternal bonding and can lead to other problems, such as postpartum depression.

Traditionally, in many cultures death was an accepted part of life. Children were birthed at home and family members died at home with their loved ones gathered around them. Within our culture the role of the hospital has created a place for birthing, where illnesses are treated and cured, and death occurs. There is no longer an understanding of the sacredness of birth and death as it is rare that death occurs naturally and peacefully. With death occurring in the hospital there is a lot of fear that surrounds the end of life along with fear of the unknown.

Whether supporting those who grieve or suffering from your own grief and pain, the best help can come by allowing the expression of grief through tears or anger and by mourning with those that mourn. Nothing we can say or do can take away another’s pain; however, having an empathetic ear and a listening heart can do more healing than any hushing or consoling. Holding a person and letting them cry can help a person to release their pain and move on to a place of acceptance and peace. Death is the miracle at the end of life where those who came into this life through the miracle of birth depart to a new life that waits on the other side. Grief must occur for us as we continue through life and we need to recognize the effects that pent up stress can create in a pregnant women experiencing grief with an unborn child. Our role is to grieve and then to accept and move on until it is our time to move on from this world and reunite with loved ones on the other side.

Reference: Harper, B. (1994) Gentle birth choices: A guide to making informed choices about birthing centers, birth attendants, water birth, home birth and hospital birth; Healing Arts Press, 1st Ed.; Ch. 7.

Resources: http://www.groww.org/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1595777/

Breastfeeding Mothers ~ La Leche League Canada

Breast isn't "best," it is the way babies are born to be fed.  Nursing is more than feeding, it is nurturing.

Video courtesy La Leche League Canada

World Milksharing Week ~ September 24-30, 2011

News Release

Global Facebook milksharing network launches WORLD MILKSHARING WEEK 2011

Human Milk 4 Human Babies Global Network is ecstatic to announce the launch of the inaugural World Milksharing Week, to be held September 24 – 30, 2011, at hundreds of locations around the globe.

The incredible sense of community that is created among donor and recipient families who partake in milksharing is to be celebrated. Dani Arnold-McKenney, who has been an administrator of the milksharing Facebook page in southwestern Ontario, Canada, since the global network started last October, says, "It's a myth that we are all about anonymous milk drops in parking lots. Our donors and recipients support each other and learn from each other. We've had milk recipients rebuild their own milk supplies and turn around and become donors. I have seen milksharing friendships grow and watched bonds of motherhood bloom between mothers who didn't know each other a mere few weeks before."

Emma Kwasnica, founder of Human Milk 4 Human Babies Global Network, says "Breast milk is not a scarce commodity, it's a free-flowing resource. With the advance of social media, women who are willing to share their breastmilk can now easily connect with families who need milk for their children. We at HM4HB are thrilled to see women and families asserting their autonomy to do what is healthy, normal and ecological. Families are making informed choices to share breastmilk and babies everywhere are thriving as a result."

World Milksharing Week is to be held annually during the last week of September. There are a vast number of events your community can organize: hosting online discussions, a picnic in the park, an informational gathering at your work place, or a celebration at a favourite milksharing-supportive locale. 

Individuals and groups who wish to host an event this year can register at www.worldmilksharingweek.org. All who encourage milksharing and who support donor and recipient families are invited to participate.

HM4HB has a presence in 54 countries around the world. There are 130 Facebook community pages and over 20,000 community page members. These virtual communities are run by 300 hardworking, multicultural administrators who lovingly and graciously volunteer their time to keep HM4HB continually focused on its mission, vision and values. 

Media Contact:

Emma Kwasnica

emma.kwasnica@gmail.com
(514) 656-1560 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting            (514) 656-1560      end_of_the_skype_highlighting

Do you have a milksharing story? We'd love to hear it! Post it as a commment or email wombtocradle@gmail.com. We may ask you to guest post! We're planning to organize a local celebration in the Medicine Hat area and can also use your help. Contact us to volunteer!  

Breastfeeding is Our Business - Make it Yours, Too!

Mothers often begin preparing to breastfeed before they are even pregnant.  They do their research, read books, purchase nursing bras, plan a birth without interventions and look to their partners for support.  Did you know that even if you don't currently breastfeed, you can have an influence on those who do?  Providing a supportive, non-judgmental and comfortable environment for nursing mothers has a positive impact on women continuing to breastfeed.  Knowing that their community is behind them and that they don't have to try to be "covert" or stay hidden gives nursing mothers confidence.  Breastfeeding is nature's design for optimal nutrition and provides health benefits for babies and their mothers.  Make breastfeeding your business and support a healthier future for your community!

A Doula's Focus - Is your doula putting you first?

You are the reason a doula does her job.  Her responsibility is to "mother the mother."  Is your doula putting you first?  Here are some things to look and listen for:

1. Your doula leads in gently, asking you how you found out about her practice, etc.  Not pressing for too much information too soon.
2. Your doula asks questions beginning with - Who, What, Where, When, How
3. She does not ask leading questions with the answer "built in," i.e. "You're not going to do that are you?"
4. Your doula offers the information you request.
5. Your doula does not offer her own story unless requested by you, but may give insights when appropriate.
6. She is a reflective and interpretive listener.
7. She offers helpful feedback always keeping you and your desires at the forefront.
8. Your doula does not overwhelm you with what ifs, too many statistics or technical jargon.
9. She is supportive, positive and caring.
10. She is humble, genuine and empathetic.

In short, you are the primary focus of your doula.  Her opinions, desires, etc. do not come into play.  She is 100% focused on you and your experience.  She is there to listen, comfort, inform and gently guide you through your birthing journey ~ honouring it as your precious life experience.