Rhett's Birth Story: As Written by Mommy

The following story from a dear friend of mine and is written to her son, Rhett.  Thank you, Tara, for sharing! 

I was super busy during the beginning of September. Your Daddy was in the field, working very, very hard to finish harvest before you came along. We would both talk to you at night time and ask you to please wait until Daddy was done. I am so thankful, for so many different reasons, that you listened.

I was trying to get my 2 businesses to a good spot where I would be able to leave them for a few months. So I was working really hard during the day and at night. Poor Aubrey! She spent a lot of time with Grandma Carla and Randi those first 2 weeks of Sept. I felt like I was constantly on the go and getting nothing actually accomplished. Truthfully, I would have been quite ok if you went over your due date. I actually hoped you would be.

35 weeks pregnant

We still hadn't had any work done on the basement, but knew that we wouldn't be able to leave the office upstairs much longer. I asked Gramma Cheryl and Papa Gary to come help me the middle of Sept with painting and moving; I wanted you to have a room just for yourself.

The 14 and 15 I was in Medicine Hat and then Lethbridge. I had an appointment at the Mat Clinic and met with Michelle one last time. She was just coming off of 2 births within 3 days and was super tired, but she still managed to converse coherently, and tell me I still didn't look pregnant (this was at almost 39 weeks).  I mentioned I was feeling some tightening in my lower stomach a little bit, something I hadn't felt with Aubrey’s pregnancy and Michelle thought it was likely Braxton Hicks. For Lethbridge I was a little nervous to go by myself, but decided that if I didn't feel ok I could head home. I booked a wax and hair appointment, and ended up being able to fit a pedicure in (nice nails are a MUST while giving birth). I also had a meeting to attend, and I did end up leaving early, but that was because I needed to pick up paint for your room for the weekend. Your Daddy also finished harvesting the night of the 15^th! We were so excited to celebrate the end of the crop season!

On the 16 (Friday) Aubrey and I had planned to go visit a friend with another friend of mine and her  girls. She sent me a text saying that her girls had a runny nose and did I still want to go? I was feeling a bit off, as well, so I decided to stay at home. I made myself a chai latte and called your dad. I think that I maybe knew something was going to happen. We talked about how it was the first day during the whole pregnancy that I actually felt pregnant. (I think you had maybe dropped that night and were putting a bit more pressure on my lower back). As I sipped my drink I could only think that this would be the last time I’d be able to have a quiet morning for a while. I got a lot of cleaning done that day and made a delicious homemade pizza for supper to celebrate the end of harvest. And then I tackled the office. (I look back now and wonder WHY I left it so late.) I chatted with Gramma Cheryl, they were scheduled to come down the next morning, and at about 7 or so I called her again and asked her to make sure that she packed for a week, just in case; I was having some light contractions. At this point the office was packed up and I had left instructions on where to put things.

Your Daddy came in during one contraction and decided we should start timing them. At 9:30 I called Michelle to tell her I was definitely starting in labour, as I would have to stop every time one came and breathe through it. We decided that it wouldn't be a bad thing to head into Medicine Hat, and that we could assess there with Michelle, and then decide what to do. With Aubrey being a c-section, and my labour with her being only 3 hours, we had no idea what to expect with your birth. We packed Aubrey up, called Grandma and Papa to make sure they could take her, and dropped her off. I continued to time all the way to the Hat. We decided to go to a hotel at the south of the city. We checked in (received a really nice, big suite) and waited for Michelle. Around midnight we thought it best to just get some rest and call her in the morning after we woke up and she would come over. I slept for a bit, and the contractions slowed down, but was up at 7 when they started to pick up a bit more. When Colin got up we went down to get some food and then called both sets of grandparents. Aubrey was doing well, and my mom and dad were on their way down. We told them we wouldn't be there when they arrived, but to call Colin’s parents and they could pick up Aubrey for the day.

Michelle came back and we settled in for what ended up being a long day. The contractions stayed very consistent, and I kept moving around, hoping to get them picked up a bit. We went for a walk around the building where 2 firemen came out to see if we needed any assistance. In the early afternoon they became a bit more intense and I found that I like having someone talking to me in a low voice to relax and breathe. I would go into a state of concentration when this happened and Michelle or Colin would repeat positive Hypnobirthing affirmations to me. I found I was able to relax better. Once they finished, we talked and kept the mood very light.

Around 4:30 I decided I wanted to go to the hospital to get checked out and see where things were. As it turned out, it was a premature visit and I hadn't needed to. We arrived there and by that time the contractions had slowed down considerably. I got hooked up to the monitors, and by then they had pretty much stopped. The nurse wanted to send me for some blood work, seeing as my blood pressure was up and there was some concern from Aubrey’s pregnancy. So we waited around and I decided that I was tired of walking and didn't want to anymore. When we got sent “home” at 8:30, we dropped Michelle off then grabbed some food and I fell asleep fairly early. (I found out later that your Daddy didn't).

Around 1 am I woke up and started timing again. About every 10 minutes. So I went to have a bath as I couldn't get back to sleep. I took my Hypnobirthing relaxation sound track with me and just had it on repeat as I laid there in the nice warm water, feeling weightless. It was such a nice feeling as I talked to you, relaxed and sent love your way. I told you how much I loved you and how excited I was getting to meet you. It was an amazing feeling to know that I would soon be holding you in my arms, kissing you and wrapping you with my love.

About 3:20 your Daddy came to see where I was. He was pretty sleepy. I decided to get out of the bath, and when I stood up I ended up losing my mucus plug. Once that happened, the contractions became even stronger in intensity and I had to really concentrate on breathing and relaxing into them. I had him put counter pressure on my lower back as well. He was so sleepy that he would go to bed for the few minutes between, then I would call him for pressure. I decided to call Michelle and let her know that things were picking up and asked if she would be able to head over as soon as she could. I went inside myself at this point, the only thing I was concentrating on was breathing through each contraction. All the sudden I started to feel a lot of pressure, which was eerily similar to the feeling I had when I was in labour with Aubrey. In that moment, I told Colin that we needed to get to the hospital. He wanted to know how long he had. I told him NOW. I was so ready to go in, and I knew it. He was able to get me down to the vehicle; we were unfortunately on the 2^nd floor and I was in my own world. It felt like it took forever to walk to the car. I leaned on him the whole time, trusting him with us, knowing we would get there safely. I called Michelle again and told her to meet us at the hospital.

The drive from the hotel to the hospital is roughly 8 minutes during the day. At about 4 am with no traffic and me telling your Daddy to drive faster I think we made it in about 4 minutes. I couldn't sit comfortably, so I leaned over the front seat, hoping we didn't get pulled over. I called Michelle on the way and told her to meet us at the hospital. We drove into the Emergency entrance and I had to time getting to the doors between contractions. I remember the look on a man’s face who was standing inside as he saw me come up to the doors. Needless to say we didn't have to check in there, but headed quickly up to the L&D area.

When we got to L&D I quickly explained to the nurse there that I needed to be checked immediately and how I thought that maybe you were breech like Aubrey had been, which is what the pressure reminded me of. They got me into the bed and checked just as Michelle arrived. I was excited to learn that you were head down (YAY!) and that I was about 8 cm…. very close to start pushing; which was also the reason why I had felt so much pressure. Michelle stayed with me until your Daddy got back from moving the vehicle. Michelle and the nurse started to move me into the wheelchair to take me to the delivery room from the assessment room, but I couldn't sit. So I walked. Now, this was the longest, hardest walk ever. I had Michelle on one side and your Daddy on the other, and they held me up, carrying me (of course we had to be in the room the furthest away). I met the doctor who would deliver you, Dr. Prince, on the way to the delivery room. He asked how I was doing. I believe I answered with “why the hell did I think a VBAC was a good idea?” And I`m pretty sure he laughed. We got into the room and I got settled on the bed. My energy was starting to wane and I was starting to feel like I needed to push, which I told Michelle and our nurse. She checked again and told me I was able to. In a matter of 10 minutes I had gone from 8 to 10 cm’s. And so I started what turned out to be a very long time of pushing. In that first push my water broke…. which was an odd experience for me as there was no gush like there had been with Aubrey: it was a slow, constant leaking.

I took a while getting into the rhythm of birthing you. At this point, I have a very skewed sense of time that even now is still off. It felt like only a short time, but I knew it wasn't  I was in myself, talking to you in my head and out loud. I would constantly repeat “I want him out” and there were a few moments when, in my very exhausted state, I said “I can’t do this” after a contraction and pushing. Michelle and your Daddy told me “You CAN do this”. After hearing the positive affirmations I then continued to repeat “I can do this” over and over again. At 7 the nurses changed, and we were lucky enough to get Cherry! She was so amazing! For the most part I birthed you squatting on the bed, so I would hold your Daddy’s hand in my left and Michelle’s in my right. When Cherry first started with me she held my hand and just talked to me in the softest, kindest English accent. Michelle was excited to work with her, and we soon found out why. (Even your Daddy felt her effects too). When I would look at her I just felt calm flooding through me.

Around 8 am Dr. Prince came in to talk to me. I had been pushing for a long time at this point, and he wanted to let me know that he was concerned by how long it was taking, especially since I’d had a previous caesarean. He wanted me to get you out before they started to get worried about you being in distress (though you weren't  and there being a necessity for another caesarean. I was so adamant that I was having a VBAC that I refused to listen to that (especially after all the work I had done- you have a very stubborn mother). He also wanted to tell me that there had been meconium in the water when it broke and that they were worried you may have inhaled some of it, so they were going to have NICU come in to assess you after you were born.

Mommy and Rhett moments after birth.

I concentrated so hard on birthing you. I couldn't understand what was taking so long and why you weren't coming out easily (turns out your head was turned a bit funny). Cherry finally recommended that I get some help in birthing you. Just a little incision and then you would be out. I didn't want to at first, but I knew that I was getting so exhausted and to a point where my exhaustion wouldn't allow me to push much longer. So I agreed. From there I moved onto my back and they got ready to make the incision. The room was full with people, NICU staff, nurses and 2 doctors, and yet it was so quiet and calm. I really didn't notice them at all. They were so respectful of my space and my birthing. It seemed to take a while to set up, but as soon as it was made, with the next push I could feel that it was what I and you needed to be born. I felt your head, and was told to wait for the next contraction, and then the rest of your body came out. At 8:57 am on September 18, 2011, you made your way into the world for your birth day.

Even now, more than 5 months later, I remember that moment clearly. You were born onto my tummy, all purple and covered in stuff. And your Daddy and I just stared at you, taking you in, falling unconditionally in love with you. I looked at him and at you and said “we did it” and started crying. That was the most empowering moment of my life. Dr. Prince asked if Daddy wanted to cut the cord. He said no, I asked if he was sure. He said no again. Then NICU took you over to the cart and cleared out your lungs, gave you a quick check and cleaned you off a bit.  I could hear your sweet, soft cries and I longed to hold you and reassure you that I was here. At this point Dr. Prince and the nurses started to get me cleaned up and warm as I was shaking. They put blankets over me and then you got to snuggle right on me. You settled almost immediately, and we talked to you, looked at you, kissed you, loved you. My little baby boy! I was already so deeply in love with you. I said to your Daddy, “look at him, he looks like Aubrey” and the nurses commented on you looking like your Daddy, with the same amount of hair. We took some pictures and Daddy sent them to your Grandparents and Aunt and Uncles to let them know the good news! You also were weighed (6 lbs  10 oz) and measured (18.9`).

I wanted to start feeding you right away, but Michelle told me to wait until you started to root. I believe you fell asleep. We decided to call you Rhett Arthur. We wanted to have a name before Aubrey saw you. Daddy decided to quickly get us checked out of the hotel and pick up our bags. I was so involved in watching you that I didn't mind at all. Michelle stayed while he was gone and we talked. I was on the most amazing adrenaline rush and where I had been so sleepy even 30 minutes before, I wasn't any more. You finally started to root and I stuck you on and you started sucking. You were a natural! I couldn't believe how you knew exactly what to do, and had no issues what so ever. You ate for a bit and then fell asleep tucked up on my left shoulder, cozy and warm. I loved feeling you snuggled against me. You slept for a while, and we didn't want to wake you up, so the nurses delayed your Vitamin K shot and eye drops. Your Daddy came back and Michelle left, and then Cherry came back to get me cleaned up and ready to go to the Maternal/Child area.

Rhett Arthur

I felt so good after having you that I even walked the whole way there. She got us settled and then Daddy and I talked and held you until everyone started arriving to meet you. We wanted Aubrey to meet you first, and hear your name first before we told anyone else. Gramma Cheryl and Papa Gary were first to arrive with Aubrey. She was a little scared of me, in the hospital bed and gown, and so she just wanted Daddy. She started to warm a bit, and when we let her hold you, she noticed a bit of blood still on your head and said `he has bird poop on his head`. Needless to say that gave us all a good laugh!

Then your other Grandma and Papa came. I had decided to go for a quick walk to see where your Daddy was (he was having a rest on the couches) and they were both really surprised to see me up and walking around. (I think they had remembered how I had been with Aubrey- heavily drugged). Your Uncle Kyle and Karmyn came and then Uncle Ryan. Cindy, Josh and Chloe Hume also stopped in to visit as well. Later on that afternoon your Auntie Linz arrived with your Nono and Sue. They had come at a really good time as they were able to have you all to themselves. You were so sleepy that day, but good for new baby snuggles. They even tried changing you into some clothes that they had brought for you.

Our first night was unlike any that you have ever had being at home. Maybe you were a little mixed up on your days and nights, or didn't like being in the hospital, but you seemed to want to be up during the night the 2 nights we were there. I was worried that you would maybe continue that when we got home, but I really needn`t have worried as you are an awesome baby! My adrenaline had started to wear off that evening, so I was getting pretty tired and wanting some rest. I finally just propped you up in my arm while I dozed that night. I think the nurses came in and moved you when they came to check as you were in the bassinet when I woke up. 

We stayed in the hospital for Sept 19 as well. Daddy brought Aubrey with him that day, and Gramma Cheryl took her back to our house with her as she was staying for the week. It was so nice to know that Aubrey would get the attention she deserved while Daddy and I got to know you those first few days. Karmyn, Grandma Carla and Michelle also came to visit that day and Daddy went to get you a crib. You and I relaxed and cuddled a lot your second day with us. We were able to go home on the 20^th, also Grandma Carla`s birthday! Daddy came to pick you and I up, we got you in your car seat (which you weren't real happy about) and then we went to Wal-Mart to pick up more diapers, Canadian Tire to get Aubrey a big sister gift, and then decided to stop for lunch at Moxie`s before heading to your home; you slept the whole time.

Home Sweet Home: The Birth of William

Rachel expecting William

This is Rachel's story of the birth of her second son, William.  Enjoy!

Wednesday Nov. 27 was just like any other day. Henry and I hung out all day while John was at work. When John got home we ate dinner and after dinner the 3 of us went to church. I felt completely normal. We even stayed afterwards for fellowship, which we don’t normally do on Wednesdays since church starts at Henry’s bedtime.  When we got home, we put Henry to bed (in our bed) and we got ready for bed too. That’s when I noticed that I had lost my Mucus Plug…maybe. I wasn’t 100% sure. It wasn’t like it was last time. But even if I had lost it, it could be weeks until baby William was born. So I casually told John and we went to bed. JUST as I was falling asleep, my water broke.

I was lying in bed perfectly still, half asleep and my water broke. It was 11:30pm.

I woke John up and told him. We were both so shocked. Yes, I was 39 weeks pregnant but still feeling so good. We both thought we had at least 1-2 weeks until William would be born. Honestly, we were stunned. I didn’t know what I should do. With Henry's delivery my water broke at the very end, right before I started pushing. What do you do if it happens first? I was so nervous! I started shaking. I didn’t know if I should call the midwife or not. They told us that if it is night time, not to call unless you are sure things are happening. That way they can sleep until you need them. My water broke but I wasn’t having any contractions yet….so I didn’t know if I should wait to call. It was only 11:30pm so John convinced me to call just because we were both so stunned. I called and Viv answered. She asked if I was having contractions, and what color the fluid was (clear). She told me since I was Group B Strep negative and the water was clear, that there wasn’t any rush to have the baby. We had 48 hours until we had to start talking about what to do. She said normally contractions start within 6 hours of your water breaking. She told us to go back to sleep and call her when my contractions were less than 10 minutes apart. She also told me NOT to get in the bathtub until she got to our house. Apparently it makes you more relaxed and you dilate very quickly.

John moved Henry to his own bed so we could change the sheets on our bed since they were soaked from my water breaking. Of course he woke up and wanted his mommy. So I went to lay with him until he fell back asleep. I also texted and called my friend Vanessa, since she was going to come watch Henry. Since we weren’t sure when things were going to happen, she decided to stay home with her 8 month old and wait for further word. She only lives about 15 minutes from our house anyways. Every time I went to leave Henry’s room, he woke up crying. So we brought him back to our bed and the 3 of us laid down to sleep. I thought that we would sleep all night and get up in the morning with plenty of time to give the house a good clean before my contractions started. Kind of perfect right? 

Wrong.

As soon as I lay down I had my first contraction. It was about 12:30 at that point. I started timing them right away and they were 6 minutes apart, lasting 30-45 seconds. For about half an hour I just laid in bed timing them and trying to sleep in between. By 1am they were 4 minutes apart and crazy painful. I wanted to get in the tub so badly (but couldn't because Viv the midwife told me to wait for her). I couldn’t think about anything else. So I begged John to call Viv (and then we cleaned the bathroom really quickly, which sucks to do while in labour).

I labored on the bathroom floor, on my hands and knees, leaning my head on the (freshly cleaned) toilet. Viv said she would be right over, and within 20 minutes she was there (just before 1:30am). John had already filled the tub and as soon as she came into the bathroom, I basically jumped in the tub. We talked about how I was feeling and she set her things up. John moved Henry back to his room and he didn’t wake up. John decided not to make Vanessa come over unless Henry woke up. He amazingly didn’t. This was the first night he EVER slept in his own bed all night long.

From there I lost track of time. My contractions spaced out more but were more intense. I started feeling pressure but not with every contraction. These contractions? WAY MORE PAINFUL than the ones I had with Henry (my first born). They were in my bones. It was my hips and pelvic bone that hurt the most, with pain running down my legs, something I didn't have while in labour with Henry. I blame it on my water being broken. The second midwife arrived sometime in there but honestly I don’t really remember her being around until after the birth. I think she sat in the bedroom, filling out paper work, waiting to be needed. I had a period of time where I couldn’t stop shaking both during and between my contractions. Viv thought I was in transition so she asked to check me. IT was 3:30am and it turns out I was only 6cm dialted. She didn’t tell me and I’m glad she didn’t. I would have cried from disappointment. She asked me if I wanted to get out of the tub for a bit, to let gravity work. Just as she was telling me that (and I found out later, she was irritating my cervix) I had a huge contraction and my body pushed so hard, all on it’s own. After that I was completely dilated and so so happy I didn’t have to get out of the tub. Viv just told me to do what my body wanted to do. And it wanted to push really hard. I pushed for 18 minutes and William was out. Just as he was crowning, our dog started barking so John ran to quiet him, hoping that Henry would stay sleeping. He did, but John missed William actually being born. He was 100% OK with that since he doesn’t like to see what is happening down there. After the head was out Viv told me to just breathe but before she could even finish saying that, his body flew out. It all happened so fast!

William was born at 3:48am and they put him right on my chest. Everything had happened so fast and I was so shocked. Did I really just have a baby? I couldn’t believe he was here! After my placenta was out (all on it's own...no tugging!), the cord stopped pulsing and was cut. John then took William for some skin-to-skin time in our bed. I had a quick shower and went to join them. Viv gave me a check and told me I didn’t need any stitches and I wasn’t even swollen. They covered me with blankets fresh out of the dryer and I took William back for a cuddle. Viv and the second midwife (I don’t even know her name!) went down stairs to fill out paperwork leaving us alone with our new baby. John and I just stayed in our bed cuddling with William. Around 5am Henry woke up so we introduced him to William. He just kept wanting to look at him but he didn’t want to touch him at all. The midwives came back up and did all the baby checks. William weighed 7 pounds, 5 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. He got great scores on all the tests they did. John went downstairs and made us all a snack. After we were done eating, William finally tried to nurse (we tried before but he wouldn’t open his mouth) and his latch was great. I had another shower (the first one was just a quick rinse) and put on some PJs. At 6am the midwives left, and by 6:15am all 4 of us were napping together in our bed. It was lovely!

Home Birth? AMAZING.

Birthing Henry

We're so excited to begin sharing some of the birth stories of our followers.  This first story is one of two from a fierce mama!  Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your precious memories with us!


Wednesday April 27th, 2011

Expecting Henry

I had my cervix rimmed this morning. I spend the day running errands and every time I was sitting in the car I would have some contractions, but when I got home they stopped. I wanted to clean the house, but I wanted to wait until John was home in case it sped things up in the labour department. It did. And I didn't get very much cleaning done at all.

8:00 pm: I started to have contractions again, but more consistently.

10:00 pm: We decided to go to bed, in case this was the real deal.

10:45 pm: It was pretty obvious that I wasn't going to get any sleep. We decided to start timing my contractions. The weird thing was that all my contractions were back contractions...which are just lower back pain that comes and goes. I wasn't expecting that. My contractions were about 8 and a half minutes apart, lasting about 2 minutes each. They were bearable but very uncomfortable

11:00 pm: I got in the bath to ease my contractions. John shaved and had a shower in the guest room (A few months ago I requested that John be clean shaven for the birth. I didn't want him looking like a hobo and I was so glad he agreed!)

12:30 pm: My contractions were now about 5.5 minutes apart and getting stronger. My doctor told me to come to the hospital when my contractions were 5 minutes apart. We decided to just go since we live about 45 minutes from the hospital. I showered, blow dried my hair and got ready to go. I remember telling John that I couldn't believe I wanted a natural labour because there was NO way I could do it if this was only the beginning. In the car I threw up SO many times. Luckily we had a reusable grocery bag in there (we threw it out after).

1:30 am: We arrived at the hospital. Laboring in the car was horrible. It wasn't busy at all in the Labour and Delivery Ward. They took us into triage and I changed into a hospital gown. I was in SO much pain at this point, but since it was back pain I'm pretty sure no one there believed me. The nurse left me to labour laying on the bed, which is not ideal at all. John rubbed my back the entire time because it was the only thing that made me feel a bit better.

2:30 am: They checked me and told me that I wasn't dilated AT ALL. I have trouble believing this, since in order to have my cervix rimmed as was done the previous morning, I needed to be dilated at least 1 cm. The nurse gave me a birth ball and left me to labour again for 2 hours. John continued to rub my back. I threw up many more times. I can't believe how much I threw up in total.

4:30 am: A doctor from my clinic came to check me. He said I was only dilated 2 cm. I don't know but 2 cm in 2 hours seems right on track. However, he told me I was progressing too slowly and that we should go home and GET SOME SLEEP. Because I bet all laboring ladies get a good nights sleep right in the middle of labour. We told him we lived out of town, but he was sure that going home was the best idea for us. We were not happy at all.

5:00 am: We arrived home. I forced John to get into bed and take a nap. I decided to have another bath, since laying down was the worse position for me. I slept in between my contractions but stayed in the bath until 8:00am. When I had a contraction, I would vocalize my way through it. Apparently I was really loud and my brother (who came over to watch our dog) was up all night in the guest room. John however slept right through it.

8:00 am-9:00 am: I got out of the bath and tried some other positions. They didn't work at all and I soon missed the bath. I woke John up vocalizing my way through the contractions on the floor beside the bed. This entire time I had been timing my contractions on John's iPhone and when he got up and looked at them, he was shocked to see that they were 2.5 minutes apart. I had no idea how far apart they were until he told me. I decided to get back into the bath. Since my clinic was now open John called them and asked what to do since we didn't want to be sent home from the hospital again. They told him that first babies are slow and we should probably wait it out at home. When John told me that, I made him call them back because I felt like I was dying. I couldn't last much longer. I think I actually said I wanted them to cut the baby out of me because I couldn't do this anymore. The pain was crazy! The nurse asked to speak with me and when she realized how much pain I was in, she told us to go back to the hospital.

9:30 am: John snapped into action to get us back to the hospital. I however did not want to get out of the bath. While John was trying to get me out of the bath, my water broke. At the time I didn't know it was my water breaking, I just knew something was happening. John had to basically dress me since I couldn't really function at all. Then, I felt the urge to push. What an odd feeling. Your body just pushes and you can't really stop it.

10:00 am: Before I know it John has loaded me into the car and off we go, in a BLIZZARD to the hospital. I was scared that I was going to have the baby in the car. There was so much traffic because of the weather. It felt like we would never get there. The entire time I was chanting "don't push, don't push don't push!"

11:00 am: We arrived at the hospital and there was a traffic jam. We couldn't get to a parking lot, we couldn't even get to the main entrance. John finally just drove into the Ambulance bay and parked. He grabbed me and we ran into the hospital. I didn't want a wheel chair because sitting was impossible. We needed to get to the 5th floor and there was a line for the elevators. A LINE. Luckily a lady at the front saw how much pain I was in and let us go in first.

We get onto the floor and I needed to lean against the wall and breath through a contraction. John went up to the desk to tell the nurses about me, and then he had to go back and move his truck. A nurse came and took me into triage. I was panicking. I told her I was Strep B positive and had the urge to push but I hadn't had any antibiotics yet! She tried to get me into a hospital  gown but the effort to change into one was too much. She got me onto the bed and I took my PJ pants off and almost immediately she told me I was 10 cm and +2 station and yelled for someone to get me some penicillin (for the group B strep, you're supposed to get 2 doses, the first 4 hours before delivery). But I'm allergic to penicillin so I started freaking out about that. All the while they are wheeling me into a delivery room. Before I know it I'm on a new bed, no pants on, still with my PJ shirt on, they are yelling about antibiotics and trying to get an IV in me. John was still moving the truck and I was worried he was going to miss the entire thing! But he showed up pretty quickly after.

Hello Henry!

He walks in and see my legs up and he almost passes out. He gets to the stool beside my bed and keeps it together. Pushing was so great. After not pushing for 1 hour, it felt so good to push. With each push I tried to push gently, so I wouldn't tear. John thought they had given me an epidural because I was so peaceful. I fell asleep between each contraction. I pushed gently for 45 minutes. Henry was born at 11:48am. The cord was wrapped around his neck and he had a bowel movement while I pushed him out. Just to be safe they rushed him to the warmer and suctioned him out. Then he finally cried. I made John go over and watch as they examined him. He was perfectly healthy!

Brand new Henry!

Moving Forward: Thank you From Womb to Cradle

Hello to our readers at From Womb to Cradle Doula Services inc. I am writing to you, with mixed emotion, my final post as a FWTC doula. Due to my partner, Michelle's, move to Lethbridge I have decided to start my own doula practice here in Medicine Hat and it is with sadness that I am leaving From Womb to Cradle and opening my own doula practice under the name Life Blossoms Birth Services. I am excited to begin this new chapter of my life and am grateful to Michelle for being a wonderful partner who inspired me to work to the best of my ability to help women in their birth journeys. I am also grateful to all the wonderful women that I have had the pleasure to meet and work with along the way. I truly am in awe of the strength of a mother and love to be a part of the birth process. Thank you to all of the wonderful women out there. Your beauty and strength is what motivates me and inspires me. What a blessing it has been to work with Michelle! I wish her all the best in Lethbridge and in her continued journey of service in blessing those who come into her life. To those in Medicine Hat please keep your eye out for my website which is currently under construction at www.lifeblossoms.com and find me on facebook at Life Blossoms Birth Services. Thank you again for a wonderful past and hope for a beautiful future.

New Adventures!

Dear Readers,

I hope this finds you all well. It has been quite some time since I have blogged.  We've made our transition to living in Lethbridge, Alberta and are beginning to feel quite at home.  The kids are enjoying their new school, my husband is busy with his new job and I am venturing back into the birthing world in my new community.

Other exciting things are happening for us as well.  I have recently decided, along with a dear friend, to embark upon a two-week mission trip to Africa, more specifically to Rwanda and Kenya.  I've begun a blog to chronicle that journey which you can find at Two Mothers and a Mission of Hope.  I hope you'll join me there as I share this exciting journey with you!

I look forward to further developments with From Womb to Cradle Doula Services, Inc.  From all of us at FWTC, hope you have a Happy New Year and healthy pregnancies and little ones.

Love,
Michelle

Moving On, Moving Forward

Dear Readers and Friends,

It is with bittersweet emotion that I announce that I will be moving to Lethbridge in November 2012.  I am excited about the new opportunities, but will miss the many friends, clients, and contacts I have formed relationships with here in Medicine Hat.

It was four years ago, in August 2008 that I began my journey as a birth doula.  I have enjoyed successes, endured heartaches and fought hard to establish the From Womb to Cradle practice in our area.  I am so blessed to have my amazing partner, Sherel Burrows, here to continue the practice in Medicine Hat.  We will still be working closely together.

There is so much I want to say and, yet, I don't think there are words enough to say it all.  I want to thank my amazing husband, Mike, for his continued support of my passion.  Thank you to Sherel, Kaitlin, Lynn, Lois and Amanda for their doula-sisterhood.  Thank you especially to the beautiful families I've been privileged to work with over these past four years.  You are why we do what we do.  Each family holds a special place in my heart and not a little one's birthday passes without fond memories of you all.  Thank you to my best friends, the three ladies that have given me not only support and love, but stern talking's to when I needed them.  I will miss you so much!

I'm looking forward to new memories and a new life in Lethbridge.  From Womb to Cradle Doula Services, Inc. will now operate there as well. To my colleagues in Lethbridge and area, I'm excited to work with all of you and continue to serve the families we all care for.

Thank you, Medicine Hat!  I wish you beautiful births and happy healthy families!

Love,
Michelle

Reflective Practice & The Story of My Daughter's Birth

Dear Readers,

When I certified as a birth doula, I was asked to write a reflective essay on the birth of one of my children.  This is the story of the birth of my first child, my beautiful daughter Sydne, who is the inspiration for my work with families.  You will notice the titles preceding each paragraph.  These are the framework for reflective practice which can be helpful when trying to work through a difficult life experience.  (Please ask me about reflective practice at our prenatals!) This story is raw and emotional.  I hope sharing it will help other mothers to better reflect on their experiences from birth through all aspects of motherhood.  

XOXO
Michelle

My Inspiration: The Birth of My Beautiful Daughter

Description

I am a mother of two children. This is the story of my first child’s birth. Shortly after becoming pregnant, my husband and I moved to a larger centre. I found a family physician; a general practitioner who also delivered babies. I remember telling her at one of my prenatal appointments, “I don't want to be a hero. Sign me up for an epidural.” My doctor was supportive and made the note in my chart. I also included it in my simple, one-page birth plan. We also discussed breastfeeding as I planned to nurse my baby.  I did not want a cesarean or instrumental birth.  I wanted to be comfortable and enjoy the birth experience.  These items were also noted in my birth plan.  My wish at the time was for a beautiful comfortable birth experience with the active support of my husband and mother.

My daughter was born on Saturday, May 10, 2003, ten days after my due date of May 1^st and after a fourteen hour labor. My mother had arrived from out of the country a week earlier. We walked through several malls, went bowling and I waddled up and down the stairs in our home as much as possible. My doctor stripped my membranes twice and I begged for her to induce me. The night before I was scheduled to be induced, I went into labour on my own.

During one of many nightly trips to the bathroom, I noticed goop on the pad in my underwear. It wasn't my mucus plug as I had lost it a week before and this wasn't pink.  It was a very pale clear yet cloudy grey-green. I called the local 24-hour nurse line. They said it was probably nothing. When I felt a little mini-gush, I knew it was my water leaking at this point. It was around 2:30 AM when I woke first my mother and then, my husband, Mike, and we headed to the hospital.

My contractions started on the way to the hospital, which was 10-15 minutes from our home. They were centered in my lower back. At the hospital, I changed into the hospital gown, peed in a cup, left my pad on a paper towel in the bathroom (per the nurse’s instructions) and was told to lie in the bed in the assessment room. The fetal monitor was strapped around my belly and I lay in a semi-reclined position. I had only been in the bed a few minutes it seemed, when my water broke with a gush. A nurse or doctor confirmed that there was meconium in the water.

They moved me into a labour and delivery room. The contractions were now coming one on top of the other and I had a lot of back labour. I was lying on my left-side and was nauseated. I had been in the hospital for around an hour and was four centimeters dilated. A nurse asked me if I wanted a shot in the hip or the epidural.  I replied that I was ready for the epidural.

According to the staff, the epidural had slowed my labour. So, I was started on IV pitocin to increase the contractions. With each increase made to the dosage of the artificial hormone, the epidural lost some of its numbing effect, so an increase was made to its strength as well. This up and down dance kept up throughout the day.

At some point in the afternoon, I had two young nurses taking care of me. One of the nurses was a student. They checked me and found me to be fully dilated. So, without feeling much of an urge, I started pushing. I pushed for almost four hours and moved the baby down, but my progress had stalled and my doctor arrived. She checked me and basically poked the baby in the eye, finding that she was occiput posterior.

Because I had moved the baby down so far in the birth canal, a cesarean, which my doctor later informed me she would have called for otherwise, was out of the question. So, she called for the obstetrician on-call to come in and assist with the delivery.

The OB mentioned that they would have to try using the vacuum to help the baby out. They tried. It didn't work. So, the doctor brought out the forceps. Finally after an episiotomy and a fourth degree perineal tear, the baby was out. The doctor held her upside down and Mike announced that she was a girl. We cried.

Our daughter, Sydne Mikaela, was whisked over to the other side of the room so the nurses and doctors from the neonatal intensive care unit could give her the once over. They had been called in due to the meconium in the amniotic fluid.

While Sydne was examined, I delivered the placenta. Then, OB oversaw as my doctor stitched up my large tear, which was both interior and through my perineum to the sphincter. I was in a haze.

When I finally held my new baby daughter, I noticed what appeared to be a large blood blister on her forehead. Her face was bruised from the forceps and vacuum and her nose squished from being stuck under my pubic bone. We were moved to the postpartum floor and I tried to breastfeed her, but we were not successful.

That night, the nurses took Sydne to the nursery so I could rest. They fed her bottles of formula.

We continued trying to breastfeed throughout our stay in the hospital. Each time I tried to feed Sydne, the nurses would try to help, but usually ended up shoving her roughly onto my breast. Sydne screamed and pulled away each time. Each nurse had a different idea about why she wouldn't latch on. They said perhaps she was tongue-tied or she couldn't breathe because her nose was squished, or maybe because her chin was recessed. I yelled at the lactation consultant and told her to leave me alone. Finally, my doctor told me just to tell the nurses that I was going to formula feed so they’d release me from the hospital.

The Monday evening after Sydne was born, we went home. I continued trying to breastfeed, but pumped and supplemented with formula as she still refused to take the breast. I cried and she cried at each attempt. The health nurse visited the day following our release from the hospital and I continued to have a nurse visit each day throughout the week, still trying to establish breastfeeding. The day my mother was to return home, I began crying constantly. Then, on my way to the bathroom, I lost control of my bowels.

I saw my doctor a week after Sydne was born to see if she could increase the dosage of the medication I was already taking for depression. At the visit, she suggested we fully make the switch to formula. I agreed. 

Feelings

In the days leading up to my Sydne’s birth, I really felt as though I would be pregnant forever.  Because my mom had come up from another country for the birth and was only scheduled to stay with us for two weeks, I was concerned that I wouldn’t have the baby while she was still there or early enough for her to spend sufficient time with all of us.  I was so relieved when the hospital called with our induction time.  I actually slept well that night, for the first time in weeks.

While I was very excited about my child’s arrival, I felt very overwhelmed and afraid during her birth.  Just before the epidural was administered, I felt so nauseated.  I was afraid and embarrassed that I may vomit.  I really didn’t want anyone to see me throwing up.  I felt very weak.  I thought I appeared weak to others.  I was young as well, at nearly twenty-four.  I did not feel confident to question the hospital staff.

My mother didn’t say much during the actual birth.  I remember her trying to talk to me when I was experiencing the back labour and nausea.  She was trying to get me to look into her eyes.  As a child, when I would bump my knee or fall, I would cry as though it were the end of the world.  My mother would often say, “They’re going to have to knock you out when you give birth.”  I believed her.  If my own mother said that about me, I felt it had to be true.  I didn’t want to disappoint my mother by showing any fear or by being a “baby” about the pain.  All I felt at the time was the fear that I would let her down and that I wasn’t strong enough.  I wish she had spoken to me more during the birth.  Her appearance was stoic; but, perhaps she was afraid for me.  I can only imagine how I’ll feel when it is Sydne’s turn to become a mother.  Maybe, beneath her strong exterior, there was a tender heart only wishing to spare me pain.

I didn’t want my husband to worry about me.  I don’t remember him being very involved in the birth.  I don’t remember what he said to me or really how he felt.  There was concern in his eyes, but he didn’t really say much of anything, which worried me and made it very difficult for me to feel supported.  He slept after I got the epidural.  I was angry that he wasn’t awake with me.  I wish he had encouraged me more or had perhaps been more involved in researching our options during our pregnancy in order to prepare for the birth. I wish he had protected me.

After Sydne was born, I was in a total haze.  I don’t remember pushing her out.  I didn’t have a feeling of one being becoming two separate individuals.  It wasn’t a spiritual experience as I had hoped it would be.  I just remember feeling like I wasn’t entirely in my body. I wasn’t physically or mentally present.  It was as though I was a hollow vessel and things were being done to me.  I was simply an observer, but not even one that was entirely focused.  It was as though I was watching a movie in a crowded noisy theatre.  I couldn’t pay attention completely, though I knew there was action taking place. 

Not being able to breastfeed my Sydne broke my heart.  I was frustrated that I could not do it myself.  I was angry that she had been hurt by the mechanisms to remove her from my body.  I was angry at the nurses for not noticing she was in an odd position.  I was angry at myself for asking for the epidural, because maybe I could have prevented her getting hurt by the vacuum and forceps. I wish I had learned more about breastfeeding in the early stages after birth. I was angry at my daughter because she wouldn’t take my breast.  Why wouldn’t she take my breast?!

When we arrived home from the hospital, I was in so much pain.  My heart was broken and I had little connection to my daughter.  Every time I tried to feed her at my breast she cried and then I cried.  I planned in my mind to have my husband care for her.  I didn’t feel that she needed me anymore.  The pain of not being able to provide her with the one necessity I should have been able to tore at my heart.  My body also felt ripped apart.  When I lost control of my bowels that was my breaking point.  Here I had just given birth to a helpless baby and I was the one who needed the diaper.  I was helpless, too, and hopeless.

I was relieved when my doctor increased my medication.  I was relieved, too, when she suggested formula feeding.  I couldn’t bring myself to keep trying to breastfeed when, I felt, my daughter was rejecting me.  I also felt like a failure.  I couldn’t fulfill my daughter’s most basic need.  I felt incredibly guilty that I did not breastfeed her.  I knew that my breast milk was made for her and that nothing else would provide the perfect amount of nutrition or immune support.  Every time I prepared a bottle of formula, I felt guilty.  Every time I saw another mother breastfeeding, I felt jealous.  I felt as though I was being judged by breastfeeding mothers for feeding my child an artificial substitute.

Actions

I had planned for an epidural and I received one.  I had planned to breastfeed, yet I did not succeed.  It is clear to me now that the choice to receive an epidural impacted my breastfeeding experience.  If I been able to express the type of pain I was experiencing, perhaps the nursing staff would have recognized that Sydne was occiput posterior earlier and suggested a change of position.  I would not have been confined to the bed, so I would have been able to try other things to help her to turn. 

The offer was made to have an injection of morphine.  Had I tried this at that early point in labor, I may have received the relief I was longing for while also giving my body time to metabolize the medication so that I would still have sensation during the second stage.  Also, the epidural had “slowed” my labor.  If I had chosen another pain relief option or no pharmaceuticals at all, I may have had a shorter labor.

The epidural also may have compromised Sydne’s awareness.  Had she been more alert following her birth, perhaps she would have had more of an urge to feed, thus giving us both more motivation to breastfeed.  She also may not have had to have an instrumental delivery and, therefore, would not have had the birth injuries that she experienced.  I also did not know at the time that there were alternatives to bottle feeding.  I could have used finger feeding, cup feeding or tried a supplemental nursing system.  None of these items were offered; but, I also did not ask.

Birthing in this particular hospital was also another choice that I did not realize I had control over.  I knew that there were midwives in our area at that time, however, I was not comfortable with having a homebirth and also, because midwives were not covered by our provincial insurance plan at the time, I did not think I could afford one.  There was a pilot program operating out of a hospital about a half an hour outside of our city with both midwives and doctors on staff, but I was not aware of it at the time.  Perhaps had I known, I could have given birth in a place that gave me the comfort of knowing technology was near if I needed it, but also would have given me more freedom to choose natural alternatives to medical interventions.

The main reason I had chosen my doctor was that she was a woman.  She made me feel quite comfortable in all of our appointments and truly did take time to listen to me; however, her practice was quite busy and she was new to the profession.  Perhaps this may have led her to initially lean more toward the managed style of birthing.  In retrospect, I also must note that I did not really keep an open mind toward everything in my visits with her.  I did not, for example, ask for any information on the risks of epidural anesthesia, nor did I request any information on breastfeeding and breastfeeding support. I could have taken a more active role in my care.

All of the choices I made were motivated out of fear.  I was afraid I couldn’t manage without the epidural.  I was afraid to vomit in front of my family and the hospital staff.  I was afraid that I would not be taken seriously by the staff.  I was afraid that I did not know enough to ask the proper questions of staff and that I didn’t really deserve to have the answers.

Learning

As I look back upon the events surrounding Sydne’s birth, I am filled with gratitude.  While much of the experience was truly painful, without it I would not have found a passion for birth and for helping other women and their families.  As much as it hurt, I have been able to learn from the mistakes I made during that period. 

I have learned that I am responsible for my own feelings.  Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  While my mother may have relayed her perceptions about my tolerance for pain or my strength, it was I who chose to accept those words as fact.  She could not make me weak, nor could she make me strong.  In repeating her words in my own inner dialog, I had already written the story of my birth experience before it had even begun.  I expected to fail in fulfilling my own perceptions of what a strong birthing woman would or could be, therefore I planned to fail. 

I also realize that I have put a great deal of stock in what others think of me.  I worry about their perceptions of me as an individual.  I often try to please others rather than think of how my decisions affect my life.  As an adult, I place much importance on pleasing my parents and making them proud of me.  I know I need to be proud of myself and concern myself more with the future I have with my husband and children.

I know I must be my own advocate.  I had the opportunity to learn more about my options and make informed decisions, but I allowed myself and my fears keep me from doing so.  The more I learn the greater power I have over my own life. The answers are there for me to find, I only need to look.  Not knowing is not an excuse.  I have found my voice and I must use it. 

I believe that I have a unique role in teaching Sydne about birth and building up her self-esteem.  While I chose to take on my mother’s perceptions as my own in a negative fashion, I also realize that the messages we and others send us have a lasting impact on our lives.  I want to send my daughter positive messages about her body and her capability to birth and mother.  She does not have to repeat my mistakes.  I know she may make her own, but I want her to know that I believe she has the power to accomplish anything she sets her mind to.

Guilt serves no purpose.  It was a waste of my time and energy.  While I did not plan to feed my daughter formula, I did the best that I could under the circumstances.  She was healthy and happy.  I was able to get the help I needed for my mental health without worrying about the substances going through my milk and into my baby’s sensitive system.  I would have loved to have had more support to breastfeed, but I believe that being unable to at the time helped me to value nursing even more.  It has also made me much more understanding when I hear or see another mother’s struggles.

Finally, I have learned that while I may be fearful, I can feel it without letting it take over my decision making.  I cannot and will not give up my power simply because I may not know what lies ahead.  I had been allowing myself to exist, without truly living and allowing myself to use fear as an excuse to keep me from making decisions that may have been in my best interest. I have never been a risk taker.  I do not want to miss out on life anymore.

Application

Reflection has helped me to deal with the negative feelings I have had pertaining to my first birth experience and how such similar feelings and thought processes have been a part of my entire life.  I have also begun to feel empowered to really take control of the decisions I make in my life.  By realizing that my decisions are my own, I see that being fearful would mean not trusting myself. 

I have been able to turn my birth experience into a positive motivator, rather than a negative memory.  I have overcome the challenges of learning to bond after a difficult birth.  I gained the desire to help others learn more about how to have healthier happier births.  I have a renewed passion for breastfeeding.  I know that just because I did not have the ideal experience the first time around, it does not mean that I have not gained valuable knowledge.  I’ve learned to trust my instincts and believe in myself and my abilities.

As a birth professional, I realize I have a unique privilege of helping mothers and their families find their own power, make informed decisions, and begin the journey of parenthood with confidence and joy.  I must strive to live my life as a reflection of these values.  I hope that I can help my clients to feel supported and valued.  Their experiences mean more to me than my personal feelings about their choices.  In the end, the birth experience belongs to the mother and her family.  It should be something they are able to cherish.

I have learned to be more accepting of other’s choices.  I know I may not make the same decisions for myself; but, I also understand that each mother, each birth, and each family is unique.  As a doula, I can be available to provide information to my clients and respect whatever decision they make in the end.  I have felt the pain of my own guilt and perceived judgement of others and I would not wish that on anyone else.

Now that I have realized how my own feelings have shaped my decisions, I believe that I may be able to better assist my clients in reflecting on their own experiences and choices.  I know what it is like to feel powerless.  By using reflective practice with my clients, as well as encouraging them to find the answers to their pregnancy, birth and parenting questions, I hope the women I work with will have a better chance of having a birth experience that is safe and satisfying. 

I am applying what I have learned as a wife and a parent.  I am more open with my husband about my wishes.  We are able to work together when it comes to how to raise our children, researching where to live, and even what vehicle to purchase.  I work hard to help my children realize their own power and potential.  I believe that they can achieve any goal.  I want them to know how loved they are and how valued they are. 

Finally, I am so happy to have been able to communicate with my parents about my feelings.  I am more comfortable relating to them as an adult.  My mother and I have since had many frank discussions about my perceptions of my ability to deal with physical pain.  She expressed to me the anger she felt toward the hospital staff for what she believed to be their neglect in determining my daughter’s position during second stage.  She has also become my biggest supporter in my role as a birth professional.  While I know now that I do not need the approval of others to feel worthy and successful, I am very glad that I’ve had this opportunity to communicate in this way with my mother. 

Summary

This paper has been a reflection on my experience giving birth to my first child.  I have discovered that many of the decisions I made were based up on fear and lack of confidence. I used fear as an excuse to keep me from exploring the other choices that were available to me at the time. I realize that by believing in my own abilities, trusting my instincts, and taking the responsibility to make informed decisions in my own life, I will be better able to support my clients in doing so themselves.  Through reflection I have been able to see what I had previously thought of as a negative experience in a positive manner by utilizing it as an opportunity for growth. I have learned to accept the decisions I made that shaped my birth experience.  The birth and early postpartum period taught me to also be non-judgemental and more supportive of my clients’ choices. I hope that the process of writing this paper will give me greater sensitivity when helping my clients as they work through any previous experiences they may have that could hinder them from claiming their own power to birth and mother. I am overjoyed to be able to work toward a better birthing future for the families in my community.